Excess hair removal for Terrorists

Secret disguises favoured by the great camel jock, Osama binnie Laden.

Afgranniestand Terrorist Training Camp

Lesson 3 - The "Woman" Disguise

Hello, my name is Farouk and I will be your instructor today.
You will each be required to bring the following resources to class.

CLASS MATERIALS LIST:

1. 1 Coconut (de-husked)
2. 1 Flat SB Sheet (white)
3. 1 Crochet Hook (000)
4. 1 pr Scissors
5. 1 Vanity Mirror
6. 1 Tube Liquid Glue
7. 1 Bow-saw
8. 1 set of dentures

Okay - Listen up - Everybody paying attention.

By the end of this lesson you will be able to disguise yourself as typical Al-Quaeda hairy womans.

STEP 1. Preparation

Take scissors and use point to drill hole in coconut. Drain coconut fully before proceeding to next step.

Using bow-saw, carefully cut coconut shell into halves. Invert and place in sun to dry.

STEP 2. Initialisation

Take up scissors and commence removing beard from selected areas only. Trim beard from the entire chin and neck first, then working UP each cheek, STOP just slightly above the moustache line.

Lightly trim front of cheek-bone area, carefully shaping temples and cheeks into "Elvis Presley" sideburns. It is NOT important to have sideburns exactly the same length. (Close enough is good enough)

Now, checking in vanity mirror frequently, carefully trim moustache until it is very very similar to "Adolf Hitler" type moustache. We are striving for "Toothbrush" type moustache here. Keep all removed hair.

STEP 3. Assembly

Place 1 half coconut shell on chest to simulate left breast on womans. Hold firmly in position with left hand, take up crochetting hook in right hand, commence crochetting the coconut fibres and your chest hairs together, all around perimeter of shell. Do NOT stop until it is impossible to discern between coconut and chest.

Repeat process with other half shell on right side, until both shells are reasonably similar "boobs".

STEP 4. Method

Now using "Liquid Glue", place "dabs" of glue in closely dotted pattern across shoulders and lower back. (It is OK to get friend to help you with this step)

Take handfuls of beard trimmings (saved from step2) and dust shoulder and back area with trimmings until desired effect is achieved.

Density depends on age group of womans you wish to disguise as.
(Rough rule of thumb: Extra 1/2 inch of hair for each 10 years age difference)

STEP 4. Final Adjustment

Take up bed sheet and fold in half to make a square (ie NOT length-ways)

Carefully drape sheet over head, folding the side across the front to make "head veil"

Insert dentures and your done! This disguise will even pass strictest airport security "strip-search"!

CONGRATULATIONS: You are now secretly disguised as an Afgranniestand hairy woman, impossible to distinguish at a glance from "Real" womans!