Binnies desert survival lessons for terrorists

Welcome to Afghanistan terrorist survival school desert training

Essential desert survival techniques

Lesson 1 - Camel bricking

Hello, my name is Abdul and I will be your instructor today.
Todays lesson is on "Camel Bricking", a "MUST" for extended periods of desert travel.
You will each be required to bring the following resources to class.

CLASS MATERIALS LIST:

1. 1 Bull camel (preferably docile and thirsty)
2. 2 House Bricks
3. 1 Cast Iron Bath Tub
4. 200 Litres of Fresh Water
5. 3m of Sturdy Rope
6. 1 Motorcycle Crash Helmet
7. 1 set of Dentures

Okay - Everybody paying attention.

STEP 1. Preparation

Tether Bull camel to solid date palm tree on very short lead.

Place bath tub near base of palm tree, just out of camels reach.

Place bricks on ground behind camel.

STEP 2. Method

Fill bath tub with the 200 litres of fresh water.

Place Motorcycle helmet on head, ensuring the chin strap is secure.

Loosen camel tether approximately 2 metres so that camel can reach the tub.

STEP 3. Bricking

As soon as camel is pre-occupied with drinking, scurry around behind him.

Pick up the 2 bricks, (one in each hand Omar) and grasp them firmly.

Hold the bricks 200 - 300mm apart, and approach the rear of the camel.

As camel is sucking in water, hold the bricks so as camel's testicles are hanging between them.

Using a brisk clapping motion, strike the 2 bricks together sharply.

STEP 4. Reaction

Try to jump back as far as possible to avoid being struck by the camels rear feet.

The Motorcycle helmet will have protected your sheeps brain from serious injury.

The camel should have now "gasped" and sucked in an "extra" 100 litres of water.

Your camel should now be "fully primed and charged" ready for a 12-14 day desert journey instead of the usual 2-3 day trip.

STEP 5. (NOTE: If you wore "full-face" helmet you may skip this step)

Students who only brought "open-face" helmet can now insert the dentures.